Lord, I can't believe I remembered the password to this journal. Alas, my friends, these were happier times than have come upon me! While I am no longer the corpulent monstrosity I once was, my steady weight loss has platoed and - what's worse - my beautiful Augusta is still far from me, perverted by my horrible wife. I curse the day I called her my Princess of Paradox, and may she rot in fiery hell.

Hobby and I have quitted the Alps in favour of Italy. Oh, that's one good thing that's happened since last I posted: I had sex with 200 women! In one night! It was sublime. But I miss my dear Shiloh, that dear modern Prometheus, and his hearty clan of oft perishing offspring and generally bat shit females.